Handle With Care
by AnythingInTheShadows
Summary: Bella is the new foster child of Carlisle and Esme Cullen the age of fourteen Bella hasn't had the best start in life, her mother had her at a young age, but Bella has a secret no one can know better summary inside  :
1. Chapter 1

_**H**_**andle **_**with**__**C**_**are  
><strong>  
>Handle with Care Summary, Bella is the new foster child of Carlisle and Esme Cullen, they aren't able to have children after Esme had her sixth miscarriage they got told if Esme got pregnant one more time she'd be putting her life in danger. So they did the next best thing, fostering a teenage girl, At the age of fourteen Bella hasn't had the best start in life, her mother had her at a young age but then decided drugs, drink and partying wasmore appealing than being a mother, Bella was thrown from one foster home to another, Though she has a secret no one else can know.<p>

Rated M for Eating Disorders.

_A/N, _ I hate long author notes etc, so I'm going to make this quick, I use to suffer from an ED so I do know what I'm talking about, I do not intend this to be a trigger for anyone, so please if you are in recovery I'd rather you found something else to read I don't want to be the reason why you slipped at the final gate, I will be using a Anorexia's way of thinking so here are some things to help you through this story,

**HW- **Highest weight**  
>LW-<strong>Lowest weight  
><strong>CW-<strong>Current eight  
><strong>GW-<strong>Goal weight**  
>UGW-<strong> Ultimate goal weight

**Purging- **Forcing yourself to be sick usually by ramming your fingers down your throat.  
><strong>JuggingChugging Water- ** Drinking alot of water in a space of minutes, mainly before your going to get weighed so it looks like you've put weight on.  
><strong>Chew&amp;Spit-<strong> Basically as it sounds chewing the food then spiting it out, usually into a cup of water.  
><strong>Safe food - <strong> Food that has zero calls, such as celery  
>Like I said above I'm not writing this to make someone think this is a right thing to do, you will basically kill yourself with this disorder, I'm only writing this as, the story came to me while I was sleeping anyways on with the show &amp; <span>I do not own<span> _**Twilight**_ though this storyline is all mine

**Chapter one.**

**Bella's Point of View**

Staring at the scales in the bathroom I ran my fingers through my hair before stepping off them and hiding them in the suitcase under my bed then pulled out my journal that was sitting on top of my bed side table under lock and key. Popping the lock on the front I flipped through the pages before I came to a blank page. Picking up my pen I clicked the top so the point came out of hiding and began to write.  
><strong>Friday,26<strong>**th**** February 2006**

**Cw- 87  
>Hw-109<br>Lw-70  
>Gw1-80<br>Gw2-77  
>Gw3-70<br>Ugw-67**

_I still haven't lost enough weight, over the weekend and all the exercise I did I manage to lose 3.1/2lbs I can still see all the fat around my body clinging to my bones, suffocating me making me feel like I can't breathe. Maybe I can see about joining the cross country team at my new high school, I start today so hopefully I can make it on the team without people chanting there goes the elephant.  
>Food is still scary, Esme made chicken curry with noodles, I read the packets contents when she wasn't looking all together I consumed 550 calories from that meal and I worked out for three hours last night to make up for it, maybe I can skip breakfast this morning and then lunch will be easy I can just grab a bottle of water and have a cigarette outside of school grounds what they don't know won't hurt them right ?<em>

_I think I'm going to bring my daily calories intake down today to make up for last night meal, instead of 600 I'm bringing it down to 200 then with a four hour work out after school, breaking it up of course so Esme or Carlisle don't get a chance to think something's wrong with me, I'm living with a doctor now, how ironic eh?, but don't worry Ana. It's you and me together in this._

_Well, Ana I need to go get ready for school, until I write again._

_B x_

Placing the padlock back on my journal I slipped it under my pillow then got changed, it was cold today or maybe that was just me, I'd been shivering for the past few days but that was good it meant I was burning calories that my body didn't need. Unfolding the clothes that sat neatly on my bed I pulled on my long-sleeved turtle neck shirt then my skinny jeans and did up the belt. Looking in the mirror I saw the legs and waist of my jeans where baggy and I smiled slightly. Least I was losing weight I was on my way to perfection, but I didn't know how far away I was, Placing my arms through my Leather jacket I zipped it up then slang my bag over my shoulder after checking my packet of cigarettes where hidden in one of the side pockets and made my way down stairs to see a cheerful Esme in the kitchen cooking breakfast, Putting my bag on the floor next to the table I headed to the fridge and took out a bottle of bottle and then the fruit salad Esme had made for desert the night before. Taking a cup off the rack I filled it with water from the bottle and took it and the bowl of fruit over to the table. Esme followed suite with her cup of coffee and plate of pancakes she already knew I couldn't have eggs as I just came out in rash, so at least I could get out of having pancakes, horrible disgusting things that they were just waiting to clog your arteries up with all the fat that was in them, you'd be better injecting it straight into your system. Taking a piece of apple I started to chew on it while Esme got herself settled and opened the news paper to see what boring stuff was in it. Placing this cup to my lips I pretended to take a drink and used my tongue to spit the food partials into the water that was contained in the ceramic walls.

"Morning dear." Emse spoke with a cheerful tone and had a small smile on her face, like she had for the past couple of days.

"Morning Esme, Am I getting a lift to school today or do I need to get the bus?" I asked her while going back to my chewing and spiting routine. Running my fingers through my hair I watched as the bowl was now empty and the cup contained the remains of the stuff that would of filled my stomach if I actually chose to eat it. Getting up I made my way over to the sink and started to wash the cup and bowl out so I could hide the evidence, Placing them on the the drying rack I go another cup and filled it with the coffee that had been freshly made, One way to curb the hunger pains for a little while, tho I welcomed hunger it was the sign that I hadn't failed not yet anyway.

"I can take you to school dear I need to head to Port Angeles anyways to get some supplies for your room, is there anything you need straight away, as most of the stuff like drawers, bed carpet etc will need to be ordered." Esme replied and started to eat her pancakes, as they were now cool enough, I was amused at the way people ate things that will kill you, why bother I mean were only giving one body why destroy it?

I just shook my head, there wasn't anything I needed well there was but it'd be easy enough to get myself, I couldn't ask her for a note book and pretend it was for school since I already had one for each subject and they where brand new yet I was running out of space in my journal to Ana.

"Nope, I'm good but you don't need to go to the trouble, the room is fine the way it is, seriously I'm grateful enough in most foster homes you have to share so having a room to myself is a luxury." I let a small laugh escape my lips. Esme just nodded her caramel brown curls bouncing around her hair as she did so, getting out of her chair she placed her plates in the dishwasher and grabbed her car keys as I picked up my bag and followed her out to the car.

We rode in conferrable silence for a couple of minutes until I changed the radio channel to Kerrang, Summer of 69 came on and to my surprise Esme knew the words and was singing along with me****

**"I got my first real six string ,Bought at the five-and-dime,Played it till my fingers bled  
>Was the summer of 69."<strong>

Esme and I sang together before falling in fits of laughter until our sides hurt, before I knew it she pulled up in front of the school and gave me a ten dollar bill.

"Here you are, dinner money and if you want to get the late bus home then just phone and say, I'm sure you're going to have a good day and hopefully you meet a couple of new friends." She spoke making me smile and I just nodded.  
>"Thank you." I spoke giving her a hug luckily for me my turtle neck was woolly and ruffled up a little so she wouldn't feel the slight part of my ribs that had started to show over the past few days.<br>Getting out of the car I turned to face her as I closed the door, we both waved and I made my way up the steps and into the school building. Walking into the main office I stood in front of a desk and smiled softly at the old woman sitting behind it.

"Hello, I'm Bella Sawn this is my first day here I'm to pick up a slip or something like that to hand to my teacher" I spoke to the woman and she just nodded as she flipped through a couple of folders on her desk next to the computer.

"Ah yes dear , here you go, get your teachers to sign it then bring it back to me at the end of the school week if I'm not here just tell who ever is in my place to hand it on to Mrs. Cope that's me." Mrs Cope replied to me and handed me my slip,  
>I just nodded and made my way to my first class English maybe school wasn't going to be so bad after all I mean everyone looked quite happy I could just try and fly under the radar like I had at my other schools I just hopped people wouldn't fell pity on me because of my history I was a foster kid big deal, there were a lot of foster kids now a day's nothing made me different to them apart from the fact I was one of the fattest kids around.<p>

Once I was in my English class I handed my slip to the teacher and sat down next to a short girl with spikey black hair. Taking out my note pad and pen I started to write down the date and what class I was in while the teacher took the class register

"Hi, I'm Alice Brandon your Bella right?" The little pixie asked while holding a big smile on her face.  
>I nodded my head and smiled back.<br>"Yeah I'm Bella Sawn, nice to meet you Alice." I answered her then went back to facing the front so we didn't get in trouble.

_Well Ana Looks like school isn't going to be too bad after all._  
><strong><br>** **  
><strong>**  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two  
><strong>**Bella's Point Of View.**

_Run faster you fat cow, you need to lose more weight, don't make me punish you again, I thought we were friends, I thought we were in this together, but no your failing me right this moment by not running fast enough do you want to turn into an elephant do you?_

Ana's voice shouted at me in my head as I ran around the gym track, I was lacking energy and my legs felt like they were ready to collapse underneath the weight of my body I couldn't fail her I needed to keep going starch that I had to keep going I had no choice I wanted to be perfection and I had to remind myself that all the pain and hard work would be worth it in the end, I'd be perfect in everyone's eyes I wouldn't just be this big fat kid who let themselves go I'd be as perfect as the models in the magazines and on TV, maybe I could be one of those models everyone looks up to one day.  
><em><br>Pfft, not at the rate your going darling, you have so many pounds to lose your not seeing yourself clearly your FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT. Don't get your hopes up to soon, you need to work out allot harder if you want to be one of those girls, right now with the state of you no one is going to want you, Your still failing me Bella, I thought I told you to run faster not fucking daydream._

I sighed knowing she was right, clinging to her words like lungs needed air I placed my earphones in my ear and put my running play list on my Ipod I started to concentrate on my feet hitting the ground underneath me, as the music blasted into my ears but all I could hear was the thuds of my feet and the rhythm of my heart as I pushed myself faster and harder I needed to get the fat off of my body, it was just proving everyone else right I was weak and I couldn't do it, I was going to prove them wrong, I'd show them all I would be pretty no I'd be beautiful and perfect. Checking my watch I saw I still had ten minutes until gym was over, I'd had hunger pains since lunch as I changed my mind and planed on only eating dinner when I got home, if I worked hard enough in gym of course but right now I really needed a cigarette at least it'd take the pains away for an hour or two at least till I finished my exercises before having a apple and some crackerbread for my dinner all together that'd only be roughly 80 calories but I could spilt it up into time slots, I'd get home at half two I could exercise till four then I could cut the apple up and eat maybe a quarter of that go exercise again then eat another quarter write in my journal eat the rest of the apple and if I was still hungry I'd snack on crackerbread, my safe food they had hardly in calories in them well the ones I got out the health shop only had five per slice. I looked around my surroundings to make sure no one was watching me as I ran off behind the huts to have a quick smoke.

Leaning against the white building I placed the tip of the cigarette in-between my lips and sparked it up. Letting the smoke infect my lungs I smiled contently as the stabbing in my stomach started to ease off slowly. By the time I had finished my smoke the pains where gone completely sighing in relief I made my way to the showers, no one else was here yet since we still had five minutes left if I hurried I could take my shower and get dressed before the rest of the girls came in.  
>I undressed myself and stepped under the hot fall of water, my muscles that ached where soothed by the heat and I started to wash my body to get all the coating of sweat that had found a home on my skin I smiled slightly this meant I'd done good, sweat was a way of losing water weight and by the looks of it I'd lost quite allot. Turning the shower off after I had rinsed myself off and washed my hair I wrapped my towel around me grabbed my stuff and made my way to the toilets least no one would have to worry about seeing my fat disgusting body.<p>

I'd just finished getting dressed and was now sliding my boots up over my calves when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Seeing I had a text from Alice and Esme I shook my head slightly as I opened Esme's first.

**Hello Dear, how was your first day at school, I can come and pick you up, I'm on my way back from Port Angeles so I should be another ten fifteen minutes if you can wait that long.  
>Esmex<br>**  
>Laughing I bit my lip, I was exhausted I was going to walk home but I don't think I'd be able to make it, plus I could make it up in exercising later on.<p>

**School was great, erm yeah I can wait I'm just finishing up in gym anyways, did you have a good day shopping?  
>Bellax<strong>

I sent the text back and just as the screen came up comforming It had indeed been sent my phone rang rolling my eyes I pressed the accept button and placed the phone to my ear.

"Hello" I spoke into the mouth piece as opened the toilet door and headed outwards the hallways.

"Bella you never replied to my text seriously, you had me worried I thought maybe I'd said something today to make you hate me." Alice replied and I just giggled.

"Alice, I can see us being good friends, Esme texted me so I was texting her back, I was just about to reply to yours, plus I had gym so you know I couldn't exactly take time out of coach Clapps class to answer my phone now good I" I stated before hearing her squeal seriously that girl needed to tone her voice down a little before I became deaf.

"Oh thank god I was wondering if you're not doing anything this weekend, I was thinking maybe we could have a sleep over at my place, my cousin Rosalie is coming up on Friday and I thought we could have a girls night plus I think you'll really like her." Alice spoke excitedly and I nodded to myself.

"Sure, I'll have to make sure it's okay with Esme first."  
>I had to take the phone away from my ear as Alice squealed once more and this time it was higher.<br>As I made my way outside I seen Esme's car waiting and I placed the phone back to my ear.

"Alice I have to go Esme is here waiting I'll call or text you later if that's okay"

"Yeah course, Remember to ask her."

"I will, bye"

"Bye"

and with that we hang up and I opened the car door and slid into the seat. Placing my bag at my feet pulling out my water bottle and taking a drink, I was dry and hungry but water was a way of making me feel full hopefully that'd last for a little bit I wasn't going to give into food, not now anyway.

"Hello dear, I got you something from Port Angeles I know your use to the heat of the states you where in before you moved here, I hope it fits." Esme spoke as she handed me a bag with a thick hoodie in it, Pulling it out I grinned as it had my name on the back of it with, something writing in Italian on the front. Biting my lip I narrowed my eyes as I tried to make out what it said.

Esme saw that I was having trouble and let out a small laughed before speaking .  
>"L'amore non è completa fino al giorno si incontra sua figlia, it means Love isn't complete until the day you meet your daughter." She smiled and I could help but let tears escape from my eyes.<br>No one had classed me as their daughter, not even my birth mother. Pulling the hoodie on I reached over the centre of the car and hugged Esme tightly.

"Thank you, for everything." I whispered as she placed her arms around back I was glad for the thickness of the item of clothing she wouldn't be able to feel the fat underneath it.

"Your very welcome, Bella your basically mine and Carlisle's daughter, We no we could never be your birth parents but we want to be the next best thing." She replied with a smile then started the car once I had placed my seat belt on.

Once we were the road, we sat in a peaceful silence I was day dreaming once again as I let the words ring through my head, I was someone's daughter finally and I didn't really care that the Cullen's where not my birth parents, they were far more perfect than that, and one hundred percent more perfection than me, I needed to work hard for them to show them I was worth it, maybe I could use one of the trails in the forest that surrounded their home for running those things must have at least a good five miles or so of decent tracks."

_Well Ana, Looks like my work out and diet is getting knocked up a gear, I need to prove to them I'm worth their love and attention, maybe if I lose a few pounds they'll see I can be perfect one day._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N_; So I've been writing allot lately and since I have the next couple of chapters ready to be loaded I'm sure today I'll be uploading maybe three to four chapters, I was thinking of making a playlist for this story, since I have songs I listen to, to get the mood for each chapter, so if you think it's a good idea PM me or something anyway as always on with the show & I do not own _**Twilight**_, tho this storyline is all mine :'] Remember Bella is OOC in this, I'm using my experience with this disorder to creature this story read at your own will.

Songs that inspired this Chapter are  
>Picture me broke - Skin and bones<p>

Polly Scattergood – I hate the way  
>I'm not a writer who begs for reviews till the next chapter's uploaded and all that bullshit tbh if people want to leave a review I'll thank each and everyone by pm [: but a big thank you to <strong>SoundsLikeAPersonalProblem, <strong>for putting this story in their alerts and favourites  
>Enjoy my darlings<p>

**Chapter Three.**

**Bella's Point Of View.**

Days went by in a blur yet my weight stayed at the same 87lbs I could see the fat forming around my hips standing in front of the mirror I started pulling at the flab of skin that would stretch a couple of inches away from body and I felt sick, I was mental sick how could anyone love or like someone who looked like this. Feeling the tears escape my eyes I sank down to the floor wrapping my arms around my legs as I cried how could I let myself get so out of control like this I was meant to lose weight not put it on or stay put I was a failure I was failing myself , I was failing Esme and Carlisle and most importantly I was failing Ana she was doing her best to get me to the life I needed to live the good life I needed to be thinner, hell I was a beach whale compared to girls in my school.

_Stop crying you stupid fat cow this is all your fault, you didn't work hard enough are you trying to make me mad at you, you know that I'm not nice when I'm mad what did I tell you if you go by my rules and lose weight I'll be nice and let you have that extra hour in bed, well you just lost that privilege you will now get up an hour and a half earlier each morning and run then down an hour of push ups sit ups and skipping hopefully it will make you lose the weight you fat bitch._

Ana screamed in my head it was like someone had stolen all her toys but she was right I was a fat cow and I had to lose the weight. I wiped the tear drops from my brown eyes once deep and hopefully where now just dull and lifeless, Laying down on my stomach I pressed my hands on the carpet and started to do push-ups I still had an hour till Esme would call me down for dinner I wouldn't eat tonight but I had no idea how I could get out of this meal I don't think the usual I already ate or I'm not feeling line would work I needed to think of something I didn't deserve to eat after not losing any weight at all. Pushing my body up and down I started to get in a rhythm that worked with my breathing and heart I kept this up until I heard a knock at my door.

"Bella, its Carlisle dinner's ready." He spoke from behind the wood that kept my appearance from him that I was glad off he wouldn't see what a worthless fat piece of shit I really was. Throwing on my Pyjama bottoms and the hoodie Esme got me I pulled my hair up in a loose messy bun as I walked over to the door and smiled.

"Esme's cooking is lovely, what did she make tonight?" I asked looking up to my foster father hell he was the only father figure I'd had in years. He just chuckled at me before shrugging.

"I don't know it smells wonderful tho, I'm just in and she wouldn't tell me, I swear if that woman makes anymore food she could feed the army." Carlisle ran his fingers through his blonde hair as we both made our way down the hallway and stairs into the kitchen.

I just nodded to his statement and got my usual cup of water and sat down at the table as Esme served dinner, Macaroni Cheese garlic bread and chips I felt my stomach knot at as my brain started counting all the calories that was in this disgusting meal, I tore a bit of the Garlic bread off and put it to my lips, parting them slightly I made it look like I had placed it in my mouth when infect I changed it into my other hand when I tore another bit off repeating the cycle as I made my way through the pieces that where on my plate, I kept jiggling my foot as I sat still I had to keep losing weight somehow. Now came the tricky part the chips and Macaroni there was no way I could hide it or chew and spilt such a bit portion without either of them noticing I'd just have to purge it later.

"So Bella how is school going, have you any favourite subjects?" Carlisle asked as he dug into his meal he had no idea he had around 800 calories on his plate most of it was fat and that itself made me want to throw up.

"Schools okay, I like English and Art mainly because I get to use my creative side to write stories and design things. Gym lesson's are okay I suppose but I don't see the point in them I mean seriously getting sweaty just for the enjoyment of a teacher is just a waste of time." I replied knowing if I said Gym was my number one subject they'd think something was up and I didn't want them to find out how worthless I really was.

"That's good, maybe you could show us some of your art work sometime." Carlisle spoke as Esme smiled before she opened her mouth to speak.

"Alice's mother phoned today is well, going over the plans for tomorrow she was wondering if you want to go over after school or I can drop you off later on in the evening." She stated and I bit my lip as I thought over my options if I went later I could have an excuse for why I wasn't hungry and I could get an hour or so of exercises done before I went over.

"Erm, would it be okay to come home first just that I really don't want to have to take allot of bags to school with me and it means I can do any home work needed for over the weekend done first then I don't need to worry about that." I replied as I regretfully took another piece of food and stuffed it in my mouth.

_Your in for not you fat elephant just wait till your alone you're going to be in that bathroom most of the night._

I like my head drop a little as Ana spoke to me, I hated not obeying her but I really didn't have a choice right now I sucked a breath of air in and forced back the tears that threatened to fall.

"Of course you can dear, how about I drop you off there at six then you can phone me on Saturday when you want picked up" Esme smiled and finished off the last piece of food that was on her plate.

I just nodded and looked at the food that was left on mine I had about half of it and I was full biting my lip once more I downed my water and looked up at Esme and Carlisle.

"May I be excused?" I asked as I pushed my chair back and stood up. As I felt their eyes on me they looked at one another before nodding. Making my way out of the room I waited till I was upstairs and ran into my ensuite locking the door I knelt down by the toilet and bent my body over it. Parting my lips I let three of my fingers slip into my mouth searching out for the pipe that lead down to my stomach, pushing against it I pressed down on my stomach and trapped my fingers between my teeth they weren't coming out until I felt the bile from my stomach rise up. I done this for a minute or two before my head was in the toilet bowl and the contents of the meal where splashed against the white porcelain. After making sure my stomach was empty I flushed the toilet letting it pull the evidence of my sins into the sewers never to be shown to anyone ever again, leaning against the sink I let my tears fall once more.

"Please stop, I'm too weak to carry on..."  
><em><br>NO, Didn't I tell you in the beginning I think for the two of us you haven't emptied all you stomach are you just going to sit there and cry like the fat little baby that you are, well are you ?_

I shook my head and leant over the toilet once more and repeated my acts it what I deserved for my sins I hadn't just touched food I had consumed it and that was even worse. Once the toilet was flushed I stripped myself of my clothes and deposed of the garlic bread I had hid in my pockets and placed them toilet paper and then put them in the trash can. Brushing my teeth I washed the spit off my hands then looked in the mirror my eyes were red and puffy from crying. Running my finger tips over collar bone I let a small smile appear on my face yet I still wasn't happy.

_Well, well look who came crawling back to me, maybe we aren't a hopeless case after all._

"I'm sorry Ana, I'll make it up to you I promise." I whispered as sat down on the bathroom floor and started doing sit ups in my underwear, it was freezing and my body shivered but I needed to burn the calories off I hated the fat pockets on my body they where demons clinging for a home and I wasn't going to be their host.

I felt my eyes close after two hours, I was weak and tired my body covered in a blanket of sweat but I couldn't stop yet I needed to prove myself to Ana she needed to know I was still in this with her. I got up and headed to my the window to see what it was like outside maybe I could take a run before going to bed. Running my fingers through my mahogany brown hair I grinned as I saw the snow starting to cover the ground hopefully it'd be deep enough to close the school in the morning least then I could exercise most of the day before going to Alice's later on.

Quickly washing myself down, I pulled the fluffy white bathrobe around my frame and made my way to bed, curling up under the covers.  
>Sleep came easy that night, I guess when you're exhausted your body welcomes it. I rolled over on to my side burrowing myself deeper into the duvet keeping myself warm. I plunged into the darkness no images filled my dreams but I guess they just reflected my life, Dark with no sign of light anytime soon.<p>

My sleep was awoken by the beeping of my alarm telling me it was time to get up. Slipping the covers off my body I looked down at my bare legs a purple/blue bruise was starting to form.  
>"Must of knocked it off my the side table while I was sleeping." I muttered to myself and headed over to the window. The snow was falling at a fast and heavy pace I couldn't really see anything apart from white, white and more white, shrugging the robe off I made my way to the bathroom and stood on the scales.<br>**86.9lbs.  
><strong>I grinned I had lost 0.3lbs most likely water weight and the contents of my stomach from last night but it was still a weight lost. Placing the scales back under my bed I stood in front of my mirror my ribs were starting to show clearer. Running my fingers over them I pulled my camera out and took a picture, watching as it slipped out I put the date and how much I weighed on the white tab then put it in the box that had all the pictures in it. The pictures I used for when I wanted to eat they showed me how fat I once was and how far I came. Hiding it in the suitcase I started to get ready for the day. Tights, long socks, skinny jeans, four tops, two hoodies and a jacket later I was still freezing. Groaning I made my way down the stairs putting my hand over my mouth I began coughing, great no wonder I was feeling the cold, I was sick great just what I needed.

Going into the kitchen I pulled out a bottle of water and downed it, my throat screaming in protest it was still raw from last night. Sitting down the cough started again and laid my head down on the surface willing for it to leave me alone. But it didn't after a couple of minutes I was in a coughing fitting fighting with my body to stop.  
>Esme came down the stairs and tilted her head as me leant over the table trying to get air into my lungs after the coughing stopped.<p>

"Bella dear are you okay, do you need to go to the doctors?" She asked while making her way over to me.

Shaking my head I got up and turned to face her. "No, I'm fine I think I caught the cold that's going around school." I replied by now Esme was in front of me her mothering instincts taking over. Her hand was against my forehead I had to admit I welcomed the coolness of it with happiness.

"Bella your burning up, come on let's get you back to bed, Once Carlisle is up I'll get him to have a look at you. Maybe if you're feeling better later we can have Alice and Rosalie here instead" she rambled on while she lead me to my room and started to unzip my jacket. I froze in place if she undressed me she'd see my body and I didn't want her to have to go bleach her eyes out.

"Esme, erm you don't mind if I get undressed by myself, I might take a bath first you know try and sweat this cold out of me and all." I croaked argh my throat was now killing and there was a thud in my head that seemed to never want to go away.

"Oh, of course dear I'll go make you some warm porridge, or I could get you something else?" She asked me before I headed into the bathroom.

"Could I get something cold like a yoghurt my throats really sore." I replied my voice becoming a whisper seriously did I have to look so fucking weak right now. Running my fingers through my hair I went into the bathroom and changed into my pyjamas and ran the water in the bathtub to make it seem that's what I was intending on doing. In fact I was going to climb into bed after wards and make out that I felt really tired and dizzy.

Esme called out saying she was going down stairs and she'd be back up soon with my breakfast. As soon as I heard my bedroom door close I made my way back to my bed and climbed in the cool sheets soothed the heat that was radiating from my body.

_A/N;_This chapters getting cut up into two, sorry I kind of got carried away and didn't realise how much I had written. So yeah the next part shall be up once I've pre-read it:']


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N_; So here's the second part of chapter 3 :') enjoy and as always I do not own _**Twilight**___ tho this storyline is all mine [':

**Chapter Four.**

**Bella's Point Of View.**

I must of fallen asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow because the next thing I knew was Esme shaking my shoulder slightly, Opening my eyes slowly I held my hand over them as the brightness of the room made them string a little. "Argh." I groaned while sitting up slightly keeping my freezing body covered at all times.

"Hey, Carlisle is going to have a look at you is that okay?" She asked then started running her finger tips through my sweat covered hair. I looked up at her as she tended to me while I was sick, biting my lip as I thought of what she said Ana started screaming at me sighing I blocked everything out and listened to what she had to say.

_Don't let him see your body, do you want them to tear us apart well do you?, your worthless if you think I'm leaving you now, after all my hard work. You'll just end up fat and lonely is that what you want well is it?_

"Esme, I'm fine I just have a sore throat that's all, it might just be the virus that's going around. Plus I'm too comfy to move out of bed or be disturbed." I said to her as Carlisle made his way through the room the snow had closed everything even the hospital was only opened if an emergency was called in and with everyone staying inside for the next few days Carlisle would most likely have a rare couple of days off. Watching as he sat on the other side of my bed and place his hand on the back of my head, his eyebrows borrowed together before opening his black medicine bag. Taking out a digital Thermometer out and sticking the cold metal needle in my ear, hearing the beeping noise I groaned as it went straight through my head seriously why can't everything just be quite for an hour or two.

"101 Degrees Fahrenheit..." Carlisle muttered as he opened my mouth to check my throat. After I sad ahh and he touched my throat he smiled softly at me and went back to his office before returning a few minutes later.

"You have a throat infection Bella since swallowing is going to be hard I have antibiotics that will be in a liquid form along with paracetamol the only problem is I'll need to administer it by an IV drip" He started to explain as he got the equipment ready to invade my body.

_Don't think that just because you're sick that I'll let you off easy, I'll make you work harder, Your sick because your fat, fat people always get sick is this the way you want to live always being ill, I didn't think so. Now when they both leave we are going to get a work-out done sit ups you're not eating today. Look at you your weak and disgusting you're pathetic._

Hearing Ana's words I thought back tears, she was right I was pathetic I had weakened myself because I hadn't lost enough weight this week. Turning my head as Carlisle put the IV needle into the vein on the back of my hand I screwed my eyes shut at the pain that now throbbed. Sighing I watched as I was hooked up to the liquids that where meant to help me. Watching as the fluid dripped slowly like tear drops into the tube that lead into my bloodstream.  
>Carlisle packed up his stuff and headed out the room while Esme sat in the chair next to my bed still running her fingers through my hair.<p>

"How about I phone Mrs Brandon and we'll reschedule your sleep over with Alice so you can get better?" Esme asked me as she got up and got another blanket out of the cupboard and placed it over my duvet. It was so cold but then again I was always cold I don't know what was wrong with me why couldn't I be perfect, like everyone else but instead I was imperfect I didn't deserve food but the yoghurt on the tray beside me was shouting out my name like the demon that lurked within my stomach begging me to give in to temptation and let something fat and disgusting fill my stomach so it could turn me into an elephant.

Turning to face her once more I nodded and closed my eyes slipping back into the darkness. I welcomed it with open arms it was the one place I found comfort away from Ana.

-~-

Days passed and I started to feel better I was now off the drip and was free to do what I wanted looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table I read the LED light. 2:45 am everyone was in bed and I had time to do a few hours work out before Carlisle left for work throwing the covers off my body I let my feet hit the cold carpeted floor below me, walking over to my drawers I pulled out some old sweats and a torn gym top both hang off my body with ease and I grinned my hip bones stuck out of the spandex of the sweat pants and I drummed my finger tips over them a small hole inside of me was filled I felt stronger than I had in weeks though there was still fat pockets around my rips but my stomach and hips where completely free my stomach was flat and I grinned a smile that finally reached my eyes. Lying down on the floor I started pushing my upper half into a sitting position before laying flat on my back again I repeated my actions over and over again. Counting each sit up in my head.

"Ninety Nine, One hundred, One hundred and One..." I whispered as I looked up at the clock it told me it was now 4:00 am in the morning once I got to one hundred and twenty I got up to my feet and stripped of my clothes before heading into the bathroom, turning on the shower I stepped in and slid down to the wall to the basin. Letting the water fall onto my skin I sighed in relief as it soothed out the knots in my muscles the only pain it couldn't sooth was the constant hunger pain that shot threw my body like a raging Loin searching for its prey. Tears escaped my eyes as I thought about it all I knew if I ate I'd of failed but the temptation was so strong it was hard to resist. I stayed in the shower until the water became freezing. Shutting the water off I got out and wrapped a towel around my body and hair. Once dried I got changed into my jeans which fell down my legs I was jumping with joy after the third pair done this, my size 4 jeans where now to big the smile I had on my face got wider and I let out a squeal. Pulling out a couple of belts as I didn't have anything else I could wear for school, pulling the three belts threw my jean loops I did them up and it kept them stay on my hips. Looking in the mirror I saw the demin was baggy at my legs it was quite allot Esme was one to notice things easily and I didn't need questions today. Pulling the demin tightly around the bottom of my legs I got a rubber band for each leg and wrapped it around the ball I had made at the foot. Throwing on a couple of tops over my upper body I would need to go shopping soon but online shopping sounded allot better than getting Esme to drive me to Port Angeles or even Seattle.

Picking my bag up off the chair I headed down stairs and flicked on the light for the kitchen. Starting a fresh patch of coffee I leant against one of the many counters and ran my fingers through my hair. Biting my lip I shivered as the coldness of the house seeped into my body holding it within its grip, sighing I pulled a coffee mug off its rack and poured some coffee into it. Hearing footsteps thud above me I snapped my head up and waited to see who would come down most likely it's be Carlisle he usually headed to work before I even got up but today I was full of energy plus I had to exercise for all the time I wasted lying in bed. Sipping on my coffee I inhaled the aroma black coffee had very few calories roughly 5.4 if I was rounding it up that is it meant I could drink as much of it threw the day plus it curbed my hunger pains for a few hours hopefully it would last till lunch time when I could get another cup.

"Good morning Bella you're up early." Carlisle spoke Esme had her arm linked with his and smiled softly at me. I just shrugged I wasn't tired I had slept through the past four days and my energy was at a new time high. I was just waiting for it to slip through my grips as the day went on.  
>"I slept allot while I was ill, I just woke up at four and couldn't go back to sleep so I had a shower and got ready for the day." I replied as I finished off the coffee in my cup and refilled it along with two others for both Esme and Carlisle. Handing them over I made my way to the table and sat down and began drinking my second cup of coffee.<p>

Esme and Carlisle followed suite and looked over to me, Esme whispered something into his ear and he just nodded at whatever it was she had said I looked confused and Carlisle just chuckled slightly as he ran his fingers around the rim before looking directly at me.

"Bella, how would you feel becoming part of this family?" Carlisle asked as he started drinking his coffee.

I smiled softly while looking at him, "I thought I already was, I mean I've been here for two months that's the longest I've been in any foster home." I replied and that got them both giggling like school girls. Esme just shook her head and wiped her eyes that had tears forming.  
>"No dear, you don't understand, me and Carlisle have been talking, we want to adopt you, make you a permanent part of this family, we want you to be our daughter." Esme explained it and I squealed allot like Alice had done the day before on the phone when I told her I'd be in school today and that Esme said that see and Rosalie could spend the night at ours since we were stilled snowed in Forks had became a town blocked off from all the major cities which meant Rose couldn't get home so until the roads got uncleared she was attending out small school.<br>Getting up I ran over to my newly found parents and hugged them tightly wrapping my around both of them and grinned.  
>"I'd love for you to be my mother and father, thank you so much." I replied tears filling my eyes as they hugged me back.<br>"Your welcome dear." They both said in unison before Carlisle kissed my head and got up and left for work. Turning the radio on I listened to what the presenter had to say.

"Good morning Forks, and what a snowy windy day it is. A heating problem has rising in Forks High School so it is closed until further notice also the elementary school is closed threw to the same problem, that means schools out kids enjoy yourself go sledding or build snowmen with your parents." And with that the presenter put on some music and jumped up and down I had to pretend that I was happy about school being out when in fact I was looking forward to gym and getting to run for two hours as I had a double period.

"How about we have breakfast and then you can phone Alice to let her know she and Rosalie can start your sleep over early." I bit my lip as I nodded then turned to Esme.

"I've already ate tho, I had toast when I first came down here." I spoke, the plate that said toast had been on was in the sink. I'd actually placed the two slices of toasted bread in last night's rubbish. Esme just nodded and went about making herself something to eat. Running my fingers through my hair I left the kitchen and ran up stairs to my room. Picking up the phone I dialled Alice's number. We talked for around an hour before Esme called me down stairs saying good bye to Alice she promised she'd call to let me know once her mother woke up.  
>Making my way back down stairs I saw that Esme was now wrapped up in a snowsuit, snow boots and Carlisle had been left holding a sled.<p>

"So I thought we could do what the presenter said, how about we go sledding, Carlisle got a phone call on his way to work that he had the day off." Esme explained.  
>Pulling on a hoodie, jacket and my snowsuit I was finally ready to go out and have fun in the snow.<p>

_  
><em>AN;__ Up next some snow fun and the sleep over _


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N_; I have snow where I live =D so I thought why not write this chapter from the snow ball fights I've had today =D I have giving Ana a few hours off in this chapter Bella deserves to have a little happiness.  
>I also want to thank<br>**19xCullenx97**for her review and adding this story to her favourites

**jessgold94&NikkiPooh522 **for adding this story to their favourites is well

Here's a song I think that goes with the chapter, Bella's happy for a moment in time then it slips away so she starts fighting against herself and is screaming at Ana to help her,  
>The change by Evanescence<p>

_Thought that I was strong  
>I know the words I need to say<br>Frozen in my place  
>I let the moment slip away<em>

I've been screaming on the inside  
>And I know you feel the pain<br>Can you hear me?  
>Can you hear me?<br>Aaa aaa aaa

_Aaa aaa aaa_

Say it's over,  
>Yes it's over<br>But I need you anyway  
>Say you love me but it's not enough<p>

__  
>I would like to say that this ED is one of the worst things to every have and if you know anyone suffering try and help them out, people will deny their "sick" as the doctors put it, the truth is doctors don't know what their on about, they can't see into their heads, they just go by the text book description, the problem with that is they never listen to what you have to say.<p>

As always **I do not own****Twilight **I do thought own this storyline

**Chapter Five**

**Bella's Point Of View.**

We all loaded into Carlisle Mercedes and made our way to where everyone went sledding in Forks it was a steep hill not to high but it looked like allot of fun, Fun something I hadn't had in ages I couldn't even remember the last time I spend time just being me. Watching as the snow fell once again I grinned like a kid on Christmas as I stepped out of the car the cold hit me like someone had kicked me in the rips winding me but I didn't want to go I wanted to be free even if it only lasted a few hours. Watching as Carlisle pulled the sled out of the trunk he held the rope in one hand and Esme's arm in the other, I smiled as I watched them make their way over to me I was running up the hill in front of them. My feet sank into the snow like dead weight blocks and I was dragging myself up but I didn't care I was as free as the snowflakes falling around me, I finally made it to the top of the hill and sat down while I waited on Esme and Carlisle I laughed when I saw Carlisle was pulling her up on the sled.  
>"Hey that's cheating." I stuck my tongue out at her as I formed a snow ball in my hand and threw it at Carlisle it hit him in the chest and let go of the rope after Esme had gotten off the sled and climbed the last few feet herself pulling the wooden object behind her.<br>"Oh you're in for it now Missy." Carlisle grinned before smirking as he formed his own snow ball.  
>Squealing I ran off in the snow as fast as I could, Feeling the soft snow hit my back I laughed and ducked behind a rock as I started form my own army of snow balls. Looking over the rim of the rock that was now my barrier I saw Esme sitting down on the wooden panels of the sled watching as Carlisle started moulding snow into perfect circles, Taking my chance I picked up as many snow balls as I could fit in my tinny hands and ran towards him throwing them as fast as I could. Laughing at the mess that was now sliding down his back I watched as he turned around and ran towards me, picking me up in his arms he slang me over his shoulder and headed back towards Esme.<br>"Ah-huh you where fast young grasshopper but not fast enough." He spoke in the worst Yoda impression every which made me laugh even more, my sides started to hurt as tears filled my dry eyes.

Placing me on the snow I sat beside Esme as she wrapped an arm around me and kissed my hair. We watched young kids play in the snow with their parents and I bit my lip, I'd always wanted a mother figure when I was younger I was jealous of these kids not because they had parents but because I didn't have the upbringing they were surrounded by. Esme noticed me staring at them and hugged me tightly.

"You know I use hate mothers every time I was in the hospital, known they were able to bear a child yet my body would fight mine off, I never thought I'd get the chance to be a mother Bella but then a social worker told us about a fourteen year old girl who was needing a new foster home, I can't tell you how happy I was when I found out we were getting to be parents even if it only was for a few weeks, but Bella you've made our family complete once the roads are clear Carlisle and I are going to meet with your Social worker to start the adoption process, just because I didn't give birth to you, that doesn't mean you're any less of a daughter to us, you saying yes to letting us adopt you is the most special gift anyone could give us." Esme smiled happily and kissed my hair as Carlisle came back from the car with a flask of some hot content. Biting my lip I saw as he pulled off the lid and started filling the cups with black coffee.

"How about after we have some hot drinks we actually use this sled for more than sitting on." Carlisle spoke as he handed both me and Esme a small round mental cup like container of black liquid. Inhaling the smell I sipped at the coffee and nodded.

Ten minutes later all three of us where sliding down the hill at speed I watched as the green and brown of the trees blurred with the white snow. We were all laughing and screaming with pleasure I felt weightless, free and for one small moment I was happy. Once we reached the bottom I jumped from the sled and into the bed that was inches of snow.  
>Esme and Carlisle just laughed at me as I started making a snow angel. Esme dropped down on my left and Carlisle fell on my right. I pulled my camera out and took a photo of the three of us, we must of looked like weirdoes to everyone else but I didn't care this was my first photo of me being part of a family, my family.<p>

Getting up I made my way to the car I opened the trunk and pulled out my hat my ears where freezing and so was my body come to think of it I needed warmth but I didn't want to leave this place, who would of known a snow covered hill would bring so much freedom. Shutting the trunk I turned around and I gasped standing at a car across from me was the most flawless male I had ever seen, he was around six-foot two, green eyes reddish bronze sex hair on his arm was a bleached blonde she was beautiful perfection even. I watched as they spoke I couldn't make out what they were saying but the male walked away to join the group of guys standing with a snow boards while the girl just flicked her hair and turned around to the other blonde girls and where in deep conversation. My brown eyes followed the male I couldn't help but undress him in my mind the blonde girl must of seen me ogling him because a second later she was standing next to me with her group of girl friends.

"I wouldn't waste your time, he's mine and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even look at a plain girl like yourself." She spoke with a smirk on her perfect facial features. My head just dropped to the ground and she laughed as she walked off the girls in her group just laughed along with her.

_She's right you know, you're just too plain and fat for any guy to love you. But don't worry you have a friend in me, together we will make you perfection._

And as fast as my happy moment was giving to me it was taken away like when a candle is lit and you blow the flame out within seconds and all that remind of a puff of smoke linger around the wick.

**-~-  
><strong>  
>we returned home a few minutes after my encounter with the blonde girl I still didn't know her name and her words lingered in my head. Sitting in front of my mirror I stared at myself completely taking every detail of my reflection. Was I really as plain as she said I knew I was fat but I never thought myself as plain, okay maybe I did but not to the point where a guy wouldn't touch me.<p>

_Of course no guy would want to touch you, look at yourself again, harder this time can't you see yourself clearly your pathetic, did you think you could fool yourself and believe you where beautiful you're the size of a pig your face is chubby like a new born baby and even with make-up you look disgusting, you disgust me Bella argh why do I even bother with you, oh yeah that's right I care about your fucking health that's why, I am the one controlling you, telling you what to eat, what to wear, how long you exercise for because I actually care for you, I am the reason that you got this far I'm not turning my back on you now, and you know you can' t turn your back on me either you need me, you need my help, you want to be perfection don't you?_

I nodded to myself as I undressed out my jeans and top and stood up to view the whole of my body, I had a two new ribs showing to add to my collection of pictures. My legs where skinner and my hip bones where now pointer. Running my finger tips over each and every one of them I smiled.

_See these are your steps closer to perfection, and when you get to perfection you will be happy and free, you can never be too thin remember that._

Changing into my Pyjama's I hid the box in the gap that separated the bottom of my wardrobe and the floor I couldn't have Alice and Rosalie find them when they came over. Running my fingers through my hair cleaned the floor of the clothes I had just stepped out of and threw them in the dirty laundry everything I needed out of slight was hidden in the darkest places of my room we weren't sleeping in my room Carlisle had made up air beds in the living-room so we could have a camp out but we'd use my bedroom for a place to get changed and to leave both the girls stuff that they wouldn't need down stairs.  
>Checking the room over one last time before I headed down stairs to help Esme make some snacks and so I could greet my guest.<p>

And hour or so pasted and Alice and Rosalie finally appeared, as usual Alice squealed and hugged me tightly explaining that a week was too long for us not seeing each other and I just laughed at her as she bounced up and down.

"Jesus Alice just deafen us all why don't you." Rosalie spoke as she shook her head and turned her attention to me. "Sorry for my energizer bunny on speed of a cousin, I'm Rosalie but please call me Rose." She held her hand out for me and I shook it with a smile.

"Don't worry about it, Alice wouldn't be Alice without her hyperness, and it's a pleasure to meet you Rose, I'm Bella." I replied and turned around to see Esme leaving the snacks on the table infront of the TV that was filled with DVDs and god knows how many CDs of music.

Esme and Carlisle introduced themselves and then left to go up stairs to give us our privacy once the girls were dressed in their pj's and the bags had been put in my room we settled down to a movie called stick it that was about some rebellious gymnastic I had to admit the storyline was funny as hell and at parts we'd all burst out laughing in the end our sides were sore, our lungs gasping for much needed air and our eyes had leaked a water fall that couldn't stop. The one good thing about watching movies was none of them had noticed I didn't touch any of the food that was left out for us, they had been too engrossed in the film that their eyes didn't pay attention to the fact that my plate had remained empty apart from the crumbs I'd broken up from the crisps and a few pieces of popcorn just to make it look like I had ate while both of theirs had been filled a number of times.

"Oh my god, Bella Mr and Mrs, Cullen really do know the best movies to buy, do you think they could foster me?" Rose asked while still laughing. Laughing along with her I shrugged before laying back on my air bed pulling the covers over me to keep myself warm.

"I don't know but your both welcomed here anytime, I mean I'm going to be staying here permanently so I'll need the two of you to keep me company when Carlisle works and Esme is away doing errands." I replied to Rose as they both joined me in lying down.

Once we were all comfy in our beds and covers Alice flicked threw the pages of one of her many teen girl magazines.

"We should so do these quiz's you know see who our perfect guy and all that is." Alice squealed and me and Rose just sighed and shook our heads, that girl was a force of her own she always seemed like she was on a constant sugar rush.

"You don't really believe in that shit do you Alice?" I asked as Rose laughed and curled up in her bed.

"Duh" Was all Alice said and started to ask both Rose and I questions, shaking my head I followed Rose's lead and curled up under my covers.

"Okay guys, if you could choose between looks and money in a guy what would you choose?" The hyper pixie asked us both.

"Well that depends, if the guy had a brown/black hair a nice ass and a huge D.."

"ROSE" Alice and I both shouted at her before we both fell in fits of giggles.

"What, you need a guy with a big one, or he wouldn't do the job right come one could you really see yourselves going out with a guy who needed a magnifying glass and a tooth pick to locate his package?" She asked us and the laughter went up a notch as we all fell back on the mattress holding our sides once more.

We fell asleep soon afterwards yet I couldn't get a dream like state of mind my head was swirling with thoughts yet it was empty until Ana's voice came out loud and clear.

_Do you really think a guy is going to want you compared to these two pieces of perfection, look at you thinking you have a chance you are plain where those girls are a work of art, don't just lie there and act all lazy and fat you haven't worked out hard enough today, get your big fat ass out of bed and start exercising._

I climbed out from under my covers carefully so I didn't disturb the girls or wake them up. Sneaking up into my room I started a routine of sit-ups, push-ups crunches and star jumps. After what seemed like an hour I could feel myself getting tired and weaker.

_Don't you dare give up on me now, I haven't given up on you before have I? The answer would be no, keep going._

"I can't, I feel like my legs are going to give way any moment now. " I whispered back to the voice within my head.

_That's weakness talking, if you won't work the fat off your body I can make it leave another way._

I knew what she meant, heading into my bathroom I pulled the cup I used for rinsing my mouth out when I brushed my teeth from the cupboard and filled it with water. Chugging it down like it was going out of fashion I filled the cup up another four times before holding my fingers under the water, it was easier for them to slide down my throat if they were covered in water. Slipping three of them into my mouth I leant over the toilet and started heaving as my finger tips touched the tube at the back of my throat, after coughing a couple of times I bit down on my fingers keeping them in place as I felt the contents of my stomach rise, pulling my fingers out my head was now hovering over the toilet bowl as I purged the water and bile. Flushing the remains I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Are you okay dear?" Esme kind voice called out most likely not known who was in the bathroom.  
>Rinsing my mouth out and brushing my teeth I washed my hands then made my way over to the door and opened it.<p>

"Yeah, I don't think that pizza agreed with me tho, I had a dodgy stomach for a while after wards. I'm sorry if I woke you up, I just didn't want to be in the bathroom next to the area we were sleeping, you know encase the sound or smell of sick made Alice and Rosalie vomit too." I explained before running my fingers through my hair, okay okay I was lying through my teeth but I couldn't tell her what I was up to, she'd most likely turn around to Carlisle and tell him she didn't want to adopt me.

"No dear you never woke me up, I was up getting a drink and I heard the noise I was just checking to make sure that whichever one of you it where was alright." She replied and put her hand to my forehead and then looked to me once again.  
>"You are a little hot, maybe being outside in the cold for so long didn't help as your body's still recovering from the infection." She added and I was glad I had worked out as hard as I did before hand least pretending to be ill was one way of covering the sweatiness of my body up. Nodding in agreement I gave her a quick hug then made my way back down stairs to my friends. Wrapping the covers around me tightly I feel into the blackness land of my sleep.<p>

_Ana I need you now more than ever..._

_A/N;_ Well Edward has finally made his appearance even if it was only for two seconds, the blonde I was referring to his Tanya of course no one else in twilight could be that bitchy well if you don't include Rosalie but she going to be nice in my story ^^


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N_; Sorry for the late update I'm really sorry this story is hard for me to do as I do tend to go back to that state of mind and I need to go away for a few days to stop myself from relapsing but I hope this chapter is as good as the others and I'm truly amazed at the mount of people who have put this story on alert or favourite seriously you guys are the only ones that keeps this story going without you all this story would not be what it is today as there's so many of you to name I'm going to dedicate this chapter to everyone and as always **I do not own****Twilight **I do thought own this storyline

Songs that have inspired me today are  
><strong>Lisa loeb –She's falling apart<br>Sliver Chair –Ana's song (Open fire)  
>Eleanor McEvoy –Sophie<br>Pompeii –Numbers **

**Chapter Six**

**Bella's Point Of View.**

The next morning Alice and Rose woke up before me and where in the kitchen eating breakfast Esme really out did herself, she had made a platter of food, Eggs and bacon, pancakes, fruit salad waffles French toast the lot. Smelling the sweet scent I heard my stomach growled wanting me to eat everything in sight, tho Ana was screaming in my head telling me I was stronger than this plus I had the excuse of not being well last night I could just play the whole dodgy stomach act for today anyways. Running my fingers through my bed-head hair I walked into the kitchen and sat down in beside Esme as I poured myself some apple juice and sipped on it slowly. Watching everyone eat I started my usual game of counting calories Rosalie had about three hundred and fifty on her plate plus the twenty three that was in her orange juice, Alice was near enough four hundred and sixty with her plate and coffee put together that girl was lucky she could eat everything and yet she never put on weight me on the other hand I just had to sniff food and I put on a million pounds. Sighing I started to put some of the fruit salad onto my plate and pushed it around with my fork for a couple of minutes, I was starving weak, I wanted to break this bond for one minute so I could eat and pretend to be normal once again. Looking over to Esme I saw her smile softly and she placed a hand on mine and gave it a small squeeze.

"Are you still not feeling well dear?" Esme Asked me as she kissed my head softly there was worry in her eyes and I felt really bad to lying to her but I knew if she knew the truth she'd hate me and the adoption would be out of the question and I'd be back at square one. Biting my lip I nodded before taking another sip of my apple juice.

"I'm fine my stomach's still playing up." I replied as I got up from the table and headed back into the living room with Rose and Alice we didn't do much just sat and watched movies until Alice's mum came to pick them up since Rose's parents where picking her up the following day, I was relieved when they went it meant I didn't have to pretend to be ill in front of them but I still felt guilty that I was lying to them. Looking up at the television I flicked threw the movie channels until I settled on the house bunny, it didn't help my mood any the actresses in the movie where skinny and perfect. Sighing once more I switched the television off and lay down on the air bed I'd been in most of the afternoon.

**Memory.  
><strong>_  
>"Bella sweetie I need you to look after your sister again, I have to go get my fix." My mother was a drug addict she had been since before I was born it was the reason my sister was born blind, she was only four weeks old and my mother was off to get her daily fix of the day I was only ten but it was like any other day, my mother a single woman she was twenty four she'd been in and out of the care system all her life and by the time she had me she knew she didn't want me to be what she ended up like. I had to say I didn't want to be like her coming home from school most days to a place full of druggies who were too high to even notice there was a minor in the room. Running my fingers through my hair I looked down to my little sister she was stunning even tho she couldn't see, she knew exactly where you were in the room I liked to think of it that even tho her eyes didn't work she could see the world in a different light from us. My mother hadn't giving her a name yet but I liked to call her Hope, she was my hope back then she gave me hope that one day we'd both be out of this hell hole of a life and I was right that day social services came knocking at the door my mother was still out and they kept saying to open up I didn't want to but Hope crying gave us all away so I had no choice. That day chanced both of our life's forever we where both taking into care, we had the most amazing foster parents I wouldn't leave Hopes side but we didn't get to stay together long two months after we were in the care system Renee gave up her rights to us and we both got put up for adoption I was just about to turn eleven and no one wants an older kid they want babies and toddlers no one over the age of five or six. Hope got adopted at the age of four months to some rich family they seemed nice enough I just wished I got to go too. I got letters and photos for the first few years of how Hope was getting on and the things she was doing but by the time turned fourteen I'd been in so many different foster homes that I started feeling like I was losing control of my life I was someone who wasn't wanted, I wasn't needed anymore Hope had her family and she was happy she even refused to go to a special blind school instead she was got to be put in a main stream public school fitted right in I was glad she was standing up for herself even tho she was only three at the time but I wished I was there by her side sharing those memories with her maybe one day we'd be together again. I started to fail at school I don't know what happened I think it was the fact that I was in and out of homes every couple of months that my life just spiralled down a drain. I couldn't control anything apart from food and that's when this deadly game of cat and mouse began a month or so after I gave in to Ana I moved to Forks to be with Esme and Carlisle and the thought of being perfect became more of a need.<em>

**End of Memory.**

I must of spaced out because Esme had her hands on my shoulders and was looking at me worryingly. Blinking a couple of times I ran the back of my hands over my eyes and shook my head before looking at her.

"Sorry I was thinking," I spoke as she nodded and got up again and started to clean up the mess Rosalie Alice and I had made while we played camp out. Sighing I got out of the air bed and helped her taking all the blankets up to my room catching sight of myself in the mirror I bit my lip as I lifted my top up and saw that I could see two more of my ribs running my fingers over them I smiled thinking about all the good work I was doing to keep Ana happy.

_"Were almost at perfect Bella, I can feel it maybe once we see all your ribs we can set a new goal. I told you I'll be your best friend when your work with me but I'll make you beg for my help when you fail me."  
><em>  
>Ana spoke and I nodded I was stuck in my own little world until I heard someone gasp. Turning around I saw Esme with her hand to her mouth.<p>

"Bella, sweetheart..." She muttered almost in a whisper and I let my head fall I was screwed maybe I could fake this one Ana please help me seriously what do I say.

_"Don't give in don't tell them about me about us we are one Bella so not give me up I'm all you've got."_

Looking up at Esme I bit my lip before letting my top fall back over my stomach. I just stared at her not knowing what to say I was screwed they couldn't find out they can't they'll send me back for sure.

"Bella talk to me, please tell me what's going on." Esme spoke walking closer to me taking small steps what did she mean what was going on nothing was going on I'm fine I'm healthy a little screwed up but I'm fine.

"Nothing's going on, It's just with moving foster home every few weeks I've just been stressed these pass couple of months and moving up here where I knew no one and a new family didn't help you can phone my old doctor he told me it was normal for stress to make you lose a little weight, I'm fine honest a month or two of eating your home made food and I'll be back to normal." I said with a smile and walked over and hugged her.

Thankfully she hugged me back and she nodded while kissing my head.  
>"Okay, I get that I just thought maybe you were doing this to yourself." She replied while shaking her head and turning out of the room and headed back down stairs most likely to make dinner something with a ton of calories in it and something I'd end up having in my stomach for roughly half an hour if I was lucky.<p>

_"You have to be more carefully you stupid cow, do you really want them to find out about me, you know what they'll do if they ever find out, they'll take me away from you, you'll be on your own again and where will that get you, no where you'll be a fat cow with no one to love you is that what you really want Bella to be alone and fat like you used to be, I know you want to be skinny and perfection and I can give you that I just need to know you're on my side."  
><em> 

Ana ranted in my head and I agreed with her I didn't want to go back to being on my own I just didn't know how much longer I could hide my secret maybe this would be harder than I first thought I was going to have to try allot fucking harder to hide my weakness from everyone.****


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N; _Okay So I'm thinking of adding a new story for handle with care for outtakes with Esme and Carlisle's point of views as well that even tho Edward was in one chapter as a "extra" shall we put it I'm not going to have him with Bella cause come one wouldn't that just be too fucking over used so instead I'm thinking of using someone In twilight who is hardly ever mention and no it will not be Charlie or Billy I was thinking along the lines of the wolf pack or one of the nomad vampires but I will not be using Jacob either cause he's overly used too in fan-fics is well and I already have a Bella/Edward story going at the moment the pregnancy pact which is on hold until I get my laptop fixed the power cables decide that it wanted to commit suicide on me once again and I have five chapters on it for the pregnancy pact so that will be updated later, anyways on with the show with Handle with Care and I hope you enjoy and as always I do not own twilight although I do own this story line and the children of war tattoo I'm designing (: anyways meet you at the bottom and sorry for the long authors note. Oh and thank you to 19xcullenx97 who is my savoir in writing this story she knows as well as I do about Ana and I have to admit it's nice speaking to someone else about ideas and knowing they know what I'm on about so Catie this story and chapter is dedicated to you and so you know that if need be any shit starts up you know my pm is always open for you.

**On with the show eh?  
><strong>**_******

**  
>Chapter Seven.<strong>****

**Bella's Point of View  
><strong>  
>Running my fingers through my hair I sighed as I stared at myself in the mirror Esme had just walked in on me admiring my work I just hoped she believed my cover story because I wasn't ready to give Ana up yet no matter how many times I cried myself to sleep I knew that she was my life line and if I gave her up my life would most likely turn to shit. Pulling my L'amore non è completa fino al giorno si incontra sua figlia hoodie over my head I stuffed my hands into the pouch pocket and made my way down the stairs once I was on the last step before the kitchen I heard muffled voices coming from the living room, biting my lip I slowly and quietly tip-toed across the hallways wooden floors and hid behind the wall that separated the living-room and kitchen. Sliding down onto the floor I tilted my head slightly as I began to listen into Esme's and Carlisle's conversation.<p>

"Carlisle I think it's more than stress there's no way she could be that skinny she eats everything I hand to her, but I'm scared she's putting on a show, Remember Kate was able to fool the both of us until she lost her life to this deadly battle. I know she was your sister Carlisle and I'm sorry for bringing this up dear but we have our daughter to think of, what if it is Anorexia that she's suffering from and we catch onto it too late, I don't think I could handle losing another child Carlisle I may not of giving birth to her but god damnit I love that girl with my life."

Esme spoke biting my lip once more I peeped around the corner both of them had their backs to me so I was safe, Esme was running her fingers through her caramel locks as Carlisle rubbed his temples.

"Esme you know as well as I do that getting Bella to admit that she is indeed sick will be very difficult people with this disorder are in denial that anything is wrong with them, they believe starving themselves to reach perfection is normal. I can't do anything as a doctor if she doesn't admit she has a problem in the first place but as her father I'll do everything in my power to help her before it's too late, we're just going to have to keep a close eye on her instead of assuming that it is Anorexia nervosa that's at play." Carlisle spoke while he wrapping an arm around his wife's body as he kissed her head softly trying to give her some comfort over me.

Sighing softly I got up and headed into the kitchen taking everything in I was fine I didn't have a problem I was healthy-ish okay I bruise allot easier than I use too but that's normal isn't it ?

_Don't you dare start having doubts Bella we're friends remember best friends I gave you everything when you had nothing. I fought for you when you had no one on your side, I gave you life when you where dead, I made you who you are today, don't fucking five up on me you fat cow cause I never gave up on you._

Ana screamed through my head, I don't know if it was the words she said or the fact that Esme had caught me earlier but tears picked my eyes threaten to fall slamming my fists on the counter I let the tears fall and run down my face like a river.

"STOP IT, JUST STOP." I screamed as I hugged my arms around my body and slid down to the kitchen floor letting my head fall onto my knees that were brought to my chest.  
>"Just stop please..." I muttered to myself as I wiped my eyes.<br>Hearing people run in I looked up to see Carlisle and Esme staring at me worryingly. Esme pulled me into her arms and kissed my head as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"Shh. Sweetheart its fine we're here." She whispered as she pulled me closer towards her I winced a little from the forming bruise on my arm where I feel the other night I was too weak to really watch where I was putting my feet.

_"Bella your letting them suck you in with their lies they won't help you they'll make you fat again is that what you really want to be the big fat invisible girl who will never be loved or be asked out on dates. I won't give you up without a fight Bella I hope you brought your armour because I will win this war."_

"Shut up please shut up..." I cried as I trashed my tiny body about in Esme's arms I wanted out I needed out I couldn't do this anymore spilt down the middle trying to please two people why couldn't it be easier.

"Leave me alone I did nothing wrong I did everything you asked, I'm too tried to fight anymore." I felt Esme's arms tighten around my body as she comfort me I didn't dare look up at their eyes tho no I didn't deserve to see the disappointment on their face's their foster child the girl they where adoption as their daughter was a weakling someone who didn't deserve to be loved Ana proved that point.

"Bella dear it's okay me and your mother are here, you need to speak to us we can't help you otherwise, who needs to leave you alone?" Carlisle's voice broke the silence that was roaming around my head looking up at him I ran my fingers through my hair I saw the hurt that was plain to see on his and Esme's faces. I was stupid and weak to believe that they'd want me now no doubt they'd end up phoning my social worker and asking if they could come pick me up.

Shaking my head I pull out of the grips of Esme and stand up I couldn't speak to them I couldn't tell them about Ana I needed to protect her. Running off to my room I shut the door and flung myself on the bed and finally let the damn break that was holding back all my tears I must of cried myself to sleep because I woke up to the sound of my alarm beeping in my ear, Hitting the stop button I got up and headed towards my ensuite. Turning the water on in the shower I waited for it to heat up before getting in.

Twenty minutes and forty seconds later I was in my bedroom doing push ups for the fight I had with Ana the night before but not eating for two days straight was taking its toll on my body the headache and dizziness was becoming more and more prominent and frequent as the seconds ticked on. Sighing I stood up and shook my body a little I needed to get myself under control I couldn't be weak now not after the shit hitting the fan the night before. Making my way down the stairs I drank some water and took some paracetamol for the headache but it wasn't helping one bit. Looking at the clock I bit my lip as I picked up my school bag and ran my fingers through my hair if I left now I could walk to school and still have ten minutes until home class began plus it'd let me burn off more of the unneeded fat that was on my body. Pulling on my snow boots I ran out of the house shutting the door behind me and started my way down the two mile drive seriously we lived in the middle of nowhere and we needed a long ass drive what where they trying to keep out the neighbours?.

Felling the snowflakes hit my skin I sighed as I tried to keep the cold wind off my body. It didn't work tho the colder it got the more my body protested ongoing any walking another couple of minutes I felt my light headed I willed my legs to move forward but they wouldn't listen. The world started to spin then I realized my body had hit the ground and I had passed out, no one would find me for ages I would soon become nothing more than a skeleton in the snow.**  
>_<strong>

****

_A/N: _ So what do you think :)? Bella sorta had a break down and now she's fainted out in the snow, sorry it's left on a cliffy but I'll try and update tomorrow :)

Oh I have my Rec's for you all

Torn by Doobawrites I bloody love this story it's about Bella and her life of being abused by people who were meant to love her totally worth the hours of reading.

This is my wish by Ericastwilight it's a moving story about child cancer I was I tears a few times

Music, Magic, and Instabnility by A Little Distracted, I love it tbh Bella's a new up and coming singer and falls hard for Edward Cullen I'm not gonna spoil it for you

And last but not least we have Stolen Dreames by Shasta53 it's a moving story is well about Bella and Edward having a child as teenagers to get told by a doctor that the baby died in child birth only to find out years later that it's a lie .

go and have a read of them seriously they're all worth the reading :)

Anyways until next time duckiekins  
>Pixie x<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N; _So as promised here's the update I'm sorry it's a day late but I was show jumping yesterday and didn't get home till late :) I might actually update a few times between Tomorrow and Friday as I have stuff forming around in my head making me insane, So I know Bella is getting help early on in this story but don't worry this won't be one of these stories where she'll get better than that's it because in real life anorexia isn't like that, you still fight every day even if you are a healthy weight you'll still struggle like one of my friends can't eat a burger with outgoing shit there's 250 cals in this I'm the same with homemade meals I can tell you how many calories are in there. Plus most people with anorexia do relapse time and time again so even tho Bella gets help doesn't mean she's going to be better.

And as always **I do not own Twilight tho I do own this storyline and my kitten named fuzzle knuckles **

**On with the show eh?  
><strong>**_******

**  
>Chapter Eight.<strong>****

**Bella's Point of View**

I willed myself to come out of the darkness but it has its crawls wrapped around my body tightly it felt like when a mother would hold onto a child to stop it from running off though I welcomed the feeling knowing I could escape the pain and the voices for a few hours at least.

I don't know how long I was out for but I started to feel warmth spreading threw my body like a wild forest fire. Hearing hushed voices I groaned slightly as I felt my body leave the ground maybe I was in heaven and was giving my wings because I felt like I was flying.

"It's okay Bella we've got you..." A male's voice whispered slightly I had no idea who it was but I was thankful for the warmth.Curling into the male's chest I knew it was wrong taking my guard down when I was so vulnerable but for some reason I felt safe in his arms.

"Oh God Bella." A soft concerning voice approached me I was still trying to find my way out of the darkness but I couldn't find the will power within me, maybe I should let the darkness consume me and take me a peaceful place. They said death was peaceful right? I mean you hear allot of people going on about how someone died peacefully in their sleep. Maybe I'd get that feeling too, to just slip away into the background like a whisper of wind blowing through the forest on a clam summers night. Once the warmth left me I felt the darkness consume me again.

I was dreaming of the little girl I used to be the girl who was free and could do what she wanted. In a world where she didn't need to worry about how she looked or how she felt she was innocent she was pure and happy. I wasn't that little girl anymore I was screwed up and I abused my body far beyond repair I'm not stupid I knew what I've been doing my body is harming me in the process but I also know I'm not ready to let go of the one thing that I have control over, Food.

I awoke hours later in my bed wrapped up in what felt like a million covers I was warm. The room was peaceful the only noise that could be heard was the soft breathing of myself and that of Carlisle's and Esme's who where both asleep on the air mattress on the floor of my room. I still felt pretty lightheaded so I decided I'd stay in bed the warmth was my security blanket. Nothing could hurt me here I was in my own little piece of heaven, one where nobody else mattered, were my head was empty from voices for once it was quite and I welcomed it because I knew soon enough the chaos would start again and I'd be the on the receiving end of Ana's wrath and it wasn't something I was looking forward to, if I was being honest I was scared that I'd never get out of her grips. Maybe Carlisle and Esme where right maybe I did need help. Help to be the girl that I use to be care free and smiling all the time but at the time I knew that this would be death of me and that if I didn't try and get help soon Death would be just around the corner with scissors in his hand ready to cut the ropes that held me to the land of the living soon I'd be a distant memory that faded into the wall like shadows when the sunlight gleamed in through the window.

_A/N; _ I know it's short and I'm sorry but it's short and sweet something I wanted this chapter to sorta like a filler but this is just the clam before the storm and because I have work to get ready for. But I hope you enjoy this chapter and the next one should be up either tomorrow or Friday :)  
>Enjoy Duckiekins<p>

Pixie x 


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